#941 - Greg Fitzsimmons

We're about as lucky as human beings ever get to be. Do, do, are we live audio wise? We're live podcast wise. Greg and I were just talking about Greg. For people who don't know, Greg Fitzsimmons and I have been friends for like, 28 years.

28 years.

Dude, we're old as fuck.

God, dad, we're old as fuck.

We started out as raw, open micros almost exactly at the same time.

Yeah. But I was dreaming about it since I was a kid. When did you think that it might be something you want to do? Because I was grabbing microphones when I was fucking eight.

Wow.

Telling jokes into them.

No shit. That's awesome. What about you, man? It wasn't until I was, like, 21, like right before I did it, maybe 20 or 21. And one of the reasons for it is a guy, still a good friend of mine. His name is Steve Graham. He was an ophthalmologist. And he was this guy who was just this. He's such a fucking wild. Like, I've met some people that purport. They sort of pretend to be wild men. This guy is the wildest dude I've ever met in my life. But a super smart, super nice guy.

Yeah.

And he was on the US ski team. Okay. And when he described his ski run that he did to make the team, he said, like, at any moment in time, I would have crashed. And then he said, he's like, I barely hung on the whole way and had this ridiculous time that I could never do again. And he was, like, laughing about it, but dude had like, I know I'm going to fuck this up. Steve, if you hear this, I think he had 25 knee surgeries on his knees.

No shit.

Yeah, his knees were insane. Yeah, his knees got to the point where they had to resurface them. So the top of his knees, he doesn't have any cartilage anymore, so there's a steel cap that they put on the top of his knees, and then there's like this artificial meniscus in there, and it rolls up and down, and he has like, a very limited range of motion with his knees. He's in his. Man, I want to say he probably is 60. He still spars all the time. He's almost legally blind. He's been hit in the head so many times, he has to have these things that go over his glasses so he can see better because he's had a bunch of eye surgeries hit in the head. From skiing, from sparring. He still spars all the time. He's super fucking smart, but he doesn't care. He goes, I'm not here for a long time. Just here for a good time. He'll laugh at you. Like, he used to be a flight surgeon. He's a fucking animal.

Where is he from?

I think he was originally from upstate New York. He's one of the very few people that told me a UFO story, and I had to. Whoa. Because this dude just doesn't make shit up. And he's done everything. Maniac. When I met him, he was learning taekwondo. Immediately became obsessed. Want to start fighting? Immediately. While he was a resident? Okay. He was going through his residency for ophthalmology. Be sitting on the toilet. He told me he was sitting on the toilet eating lunch, and he fell asleep while he was taking a shit, and his pager went off. Woke up.

That's the guy you want heading to the operating room when you're laying on the table.

He's a student.

Still got a fucking dookie in his cheeks. He didn't have time to wipe it out.

You were always on call. You were always working, man. I had two friends that went through the residency. My other friend was a korean friend. His name was Jungchek, and Jungsik, he actually won the nationals. He won the US national championship while he was in medical school for Taekwondo. Yeah. Wow. He was a beast. And he was never, like, a really physically talented guy. He was just unbelievably determined and super smart. And it's not that he was physically inept, but he didn't have any amazing attributes. Some fighters just have amazing physical attributes.

Well, plus, he could already count to ten in Korean, so he was, like, ahead of the class.

He was also, like, super humble. It was really weird. I mean, you were talking about a dude who won the national championship, and when you would ask him about it, he would always say, oh, my God, I suck. I'm fucking terrible. I can't even believe that I win these fights. Like, he would just joke around about it.

How do people. I mean, I put you in this category if I'm amazed by some people's energy, because I've always had. I think because I have depression. I have mild depression, medicated for it. And my whole life, I've struggled to manage my energy and to focus it and pick what it is I need to accomplish and put my energy on that and let go of the things that. Keep it simple. Just keep it simple. And I look at somebody like, you are talking about this guy, and, I mean, you already did a three hour fucking podcast today. You're sitting down with me. We're seven minutes into another three hour podcast. You probably already worked out today.

No, I didn't. I think I had food poisoning.

Oh, right, yeah.

I was telling you before.

But it's just amazing to me how we're all built differently. And when you gauge success, it's like we all are dealing with a different tool belt. Some of us have this unlimited energy and focus. Some have ADHD. And somehow those things that fuck you up can make you stronger. Like, I'm sure there's things about you that maybe you didn't do well in school because of that made you successful in life.

Yeah, 100%. I've never been a very disciplined person, believe it or not.

But you've always had the energy.

But I've always been driven. I find things that I obsess on, and then it's not a discipline thing. It's a matter of almost, like, limiting my amount of time that I'm doing them. When I was doing taekwondo, when I was competing, it was never an issue of I got to be disciplined and show up to train. It was the opposite. It was like I was training all day. I was constantly training. I was obsessed. But the problem is, if you say, hey, you have to go do your taxes, I'm like, oh, my God, I can't do it. It's like, if you told me that I had to be an accountant, I'd be like, oh, my God, I'm too stupid. I can't do it. I can't focus on anything I don't want to focus on.

So getting a business manager was, like, the greatest thing that ever happened. That's huge.

But it's also, like picking something for a living that you actually enjoy doing. I think there's a lot of people that are tortured out there that really are supposed to be, like, a bike maker. They're supposed to make fucking motorcycles or something, but instead, they got sucked into some insurance job, and they don't give a fuck about it, and they're just trying to sell policies, and it's just a grind on your soul every day. You and I, that's what we were talking about before the podcast, how lucky we are. Out of all these years that we've known each other, we're fucking common. Yeah, this is what we always wanted, but we didn't even know we wanted this.

And when I go, like, people say to me, I'll be out to dinner. It'll be like, 1015 at night. I'm in Venice beach, I'm with good friends and my wife, having a nice meal, finishing up some teramisu, pay the bill. They're like, I'm tired. All right, we're going to go to bed. I'm like, yeah, I'm heading to Hollywood. Going to do a spot in about 45 minutes. They look at me like I'm fucking crazy. And they go, is it for the money? I go, no, I think I'm getting $15. Well, is it to get seen? I'm like, there hasn't been industry at the fucking comedy store in about three decades. Well, why are you doing it? Why are you doing it? And I go, I got no fucking idea. I just need to do it because I fucking love it. And I'm never too tired to go do a spot. I'll be too tired to write a spec script I'm supposed to be working on or whatever. But when it comes time to fucking, I look at my phone and I go, oh, fuck. I got a 1030 at the laugh factory. I'm like, I'm in the car. I got fucking classic rock playing. I'm ready to go, right?

Yeah, it makes sense, man.

After 28 years, how lucky are we?

Stupid lucky. But that energy that you get out of, like, laughter, people laughing at your ideas and orchestrating those ideas and getting them done and dismounting. Strong. Thank you. Good night. Bring up the next guy. Especially the way we do it at the store where you're doing these 15 minutes sets. It's fun, man.

Such a perfect amount of time.

Working some new shit. Do some shit you know is going to work. Working some new shit.

Yeah. Taking a little hand grenade, you know, you got. Yeah, a joke. Just bombed. Here's a little fucking, here's a little thing I call winter jacket from 1987. Bam. Back in the game.

And also, you get to see all these other people. I think it's super important in this way. Well, the climate right now. I'm sure you've been aware of all the Amy Schumer controversy.

Oh, please.

Look, Jesus Christ. We are all influenced by each other, all of us. But it's a good thing. What's important is just originality. It's very, like, there's comics, like, I know Norton doesn't even like to watch people.

I can't watch people.

Yeah, but I do. I do all the time. You don't watch people. Like, if Louie shows up, you don't watch them.

I'll watch a little bit, and then I'll walk out. I tell, I can't be anywhere near.

Oh, he gets you with that cadence. My balls smell like a.

So, yeah. And that's how she ended up anyway. A couple. You know, it's like, where did. I. Don't say that. What the. Yeah, it's too strong. But if I'm working on the road, I'll watch both comics that. The opener and the feature act. I'll watch them. Number one, so I don't do any of the same premises.

Right.

And number two, I feel like I owe it to them because a lot of them will say, I asked to work with you three months ago. It's like, it's a really big deal to them to work with headliners that they like. And I think part of that is I have a responsibility to watch their act and say, hey, great job, or, hey, there you go.

You know what I mean?

But give them some feedback and fuck, man, I take numbers all the time. I'll get a guy's number if he's good, and then when I'm. When in his neck of the woods, then I'll call him up and I'll have him featured for me in a club.

That's huge. That's giant. When you're a young guy and somebody gives you that nod like that.

Yeah.

First person I ever