#557 - Bryan Callen

Do it really? I want do it formality and I want enthusiasm.

Appearing at the Atlanta improv, it's the one and only Brian motherfucking Callan. October 16, 17th and 18th. Goddamn it, I have to sneeze.

No way. The kid. The kid. What, dude? In the middle of my. Damn it. In the middle. Brian Kellen. Brian the Kid. I'll be the crowd. Brian the Kid. No way. In person. I hear he's way better looking and super athletic.

He's beautiful.

Hear the way he moves?

Beautiful on the inside, too.

There it is.

I don't mean his butt, I mean his soul.

Jesus. Adorable.

October 16, 17th and 18th. The Atlanta improv. If it's like any of the other improvs, it's awesome. The improv is the premier comedy club chain in the country. And if you're nowhere near Atlanta, if you happen to be in Philadelphia or Washington, DC, I'm at the Tower Theater on Friday, October 7, in Philadelphia, and then I'm at the Warner Theater on Friday, Saturday, rather. October 18. Both of those gigs, October 18, one in Washington, DC. The Warner Theater in Washington, DC. Both those gigs are with Ian Edwards. So the 17th, very Philadelphia. He's awesome. Fucking legit.

Awesome.

High level headliner. So Philadelphia, October 17, and then Washington, DC, October 18. That's for me. And Brian Callan is October 16, 17th and 18th, and Brian Callan is back in motherfucking civilization.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, five days in the rain, sleeping on a slam, pooing outside.

I'm not sick, but I do have something going on with my nose.

Well, it's LA air after all that. Pristine. We got dropped off 1300ft above sea level in a seaplane. Took three planes in a seaplane get dropped off on a lake, a mountain lake that you could drink out of, which we did drink.

We drank out of lake.

That's how clean it is.

Yeah, it's rainwater.

Yeah, it's made of rain.

There's not even any fish in that lake, which is really crazy.

It's weird, right?

It's a huge lake and there's no rivers that go into it. And there's also several lakes on Prince of Wales Island. I mean, maybe there's a couple of fish in there I don't know about, but we didn't see any. It's clear, crystal clear water. And there's several layers. Like, some of them are up high and other ones are, know, a few hundred feet below it, there's another lake. It's really weird.

Also, when you're hiking through that terrain, you'll cut through the woods and just cut into this rainforest, and then you just come across this clearing with another little pond or lake. It's like sugar lot, man.

Everywhere there's lakes, it gets more rainfall than any other place in America. It's 160 inches of rainfall, apparently. Renella said it's one of the biggest islands in America, next to the hawaiian island.

It's bigger than the big Hawaii island. Prince of Wales islands, I believe is.

That's what our friend Matt said.

Crazy.

That's what Matt said. But I believe Renella said it was half the size of. Let's find out. Let's find out how big it is. Prince of Wales.

We spent our entire time in basically wet. Even though you're wearing rain gear and nothing dries out. Nothing. First day my shirt got wet, it never dried out.

Yeah. It's the fourth largest island after Hawaii, Kodiak, and it's one 10th the size of Ireland. Slightly larger than the state of.

The. Oh, and very important. Didn't see any. Basically, it's a huge island, man. Three planes to get there. I'm looking through my binoculars. How many deer? I saw one. Yeah, I saw two doughs, which I couldn't shoot.

It was not one. According to Renella. We went there at a bad time, which is fucking weird since he was the guy hosting the goddamn show.

Yeah, that means the deer, right? That means the deer. Even the deer were like, this sucks. Let's go to lower land. The deer were like, it's too rainy and windy here. Let's move down. Even the deer were like, see ya.

Yeah. The deer went towards the ocean.

The humans with their fire sticks.

We saw very few animals, but it was still unbelievably beautiful. And it was so clean. That's the weirdest thing about the air. There was so clean that when we got to LA, we both were like, ew. We smelled the air.

I panicked. My nose closed up immediately. For real. Remember at the airport? I mean, granted, we were in traffic, but I was shocked. My system went. What started closing down?

Well, we were breathing in this moist, clear air, drinking clean water. Look, I'll take this over that every fucking day of the week. First of all, I just want to get that out of the way. Especially because we didn't have a house. We were camping. And if you've ever camped in the rain, you might be able to pull it off for a day. You might be able to pull it off for two days. But once you start getting to that fifth day, oh, God, does it suck a fat one?

You know what was happening to me? I was becoming like a fetishistic. Whatever the word is about my gear, like, how to keep everything dry. And I was even, like, making my sandwiches secretly in the tent. I would steal away. Remember when you said you were like, were you making sandwiches?

I was like, you took mayonnaise and bread and meat and went into your.

Tent, and I hid, and I was like, fuck those guys. I'm eating a sandwich. I'm eating a dry sandwich, asshole. I was turning on the whole camp.

Well, I got a little bit better at figuring out how to deal with the rain, but at one point, we were. These headlamps. So they're like. They're like a mining hat sort of thing. On the top of your forehead, you have this light, and it's attached to a strap. And I turned it on. I turned my strap on inside the tent, and it was like a sea of dew. Like the inside of the tent. Like everywhere you look, it was like it was raining. These microscopic drops of water. It was like looking out into a downpour. A microscopic drop downpour. So there's these tiny little drips everywhere. But the inside of the tent was filled with moisture. Everything.

Your sleeping bag was wet.

My sleeping bag had a sheen.

51 degrees. It's really fun to sleep in that.

Oh, it's a good time. You could take your hand and you rub it over the top. My sleeping bag. And your hand would be wet, right? The inside was wet. Like, my hands got wet. Wool is fucking amazing, okay? If you're wearing cotton out there in this kind of weather, you're really fucked. But wool is an incredible material when you're wearing wool. Wool somehow. Another. Even if the clothes are wet, you retain heat.

Yeah. It's really the oils in the wool, I guess. And also wool wicks away moisture from the body for whatever reason. But does it?

Because it must.

I don't know.

It must wick away. But not.

It dries quickly. You ever notice that? Apparently it dries quickly, but they say cotton kills. If you're in wet, cold environments and you're hiking or whatever, and you wear cotton. That's how people die.

Yeah, because you sweat and then you get wet, and then you get freezing cold. We were in a constant state of. When you're hiking, first of all, we're following. You weren't, but I was following Steve the Billy goat Renella. Okay. This fucker does this shit 365 days a year. I'm lucky that I'm in good shape and lucky also that I work my legs out like crazy. Those poor guys, like, oh, I guess you skipped leg day. You ever see those guys? Yes. They look like a meatball with two.

They'd be two sticks.

They'd be fucked.

Terrible hunting bodies.

Yeah, I work my legs out more than any other part of my body because of kickboxing, and I'm always doing squats, so my legs really didn't get tired, even though it was five days of pretty intense hiking. But my cardio got tested seriously, and I was sweating like a fucking pig. So you'd get to the top of this. First of all, I didn't layer it, right? Like, when we talked to mating, one of our friends that we met down there shout out to prince, all the.

Latin, Yanis and Janice's brother. Another shout out to our friend Dean.

Our english friend Dean. Great fucking guy. All the people there, Mike. Shout out to Mike from Austin. Cool fucking crew. Just a great doty shout out to fucking Dan, the beautiful doty.

Awesome Dan Doty.

Everybody is beautiful. It's a great cat. Like, we had a fucking legitimately awesome time, and it's one of the most miserable conditions the world. We laughed.

Yeah, we laughed the whole time.

Other than, like, freezing cold, it's the most miserable because you're just drenched all the time. I guess. Actually, I would take that honestly over, like, desert conditions, like 130 degrees.

That might be a nightmare because there's no water. Yeah, but my hands were pruning. My hands were so wet for so long. Forget gloves, by the way. Your hands are just going to be. They look like they've been in a pool for two days.

But again, those first light, those wool gloves, the fucking wool. Even though your hands are wet, it keeps your hands warm. It's really weird. I don't know how it works. First light is a company that sponsors lite first light. They sponsor meat eater podcast. We got a bunch of their gear, and our friend Ryan Callahan works for them. And everything they make is merino wool. And I was like, why is this wool? What the fuck is wool? Wool is the shit. In cold weather, you got to get wool and layer.

Layer because you keep warm. Actually, people wear really tight stuff. Is the wrong thing to do. You want to keep an air pocket around your body. That's how animals keep warm.

So mating was telling me you should really wear very little when you go out and then keep everything else in your pack. That would have been the smart thing to do. I didn't do it that way. I put all the layers on. So by the time I got to the top of the mountain, I'm fucking. I'm literally drenched. My legs are drenched. My upper body's drenched. And then you have to sit down