#179 - Duncan Trussell

Cut, way back on my coffee consumption. But I have found that coffee and the show go well together.

Oh, yeah.

I think they're important in order to keep spitting information out. This is this. What are you doing with that echo, man? You're killing me. Waiting for it. Won't go away, period.

That's what it's like to be crazy, man.

That's how it feels like when you're, like, tripping. Like, you smoke too much weed and you start having a panic attack. That.

Is that still going on?

It's almost gone, okay?

It's almost gone. Why is it on such a delay?

It's just a weird, stupid special effect that I do.

Do you always do the same one? No, it doesn't usually.

I usually mix it up.

Does this make you feel better when.

You do these things? No, it's just a cool intro.

Might as well start off with a.

Weird, creepy noise, man. Duncan truss is here. We don't have to get any weirder or creepier.

I'm not creepy. Hey, everybody.

Not creepy in a bad way, brother. Creepy in the best possible way, you know I love you.

We all love you.

I love you guys.

We're doing the Chicago theater this Friday night. Fucking super fired up Duncan and me and Joey Coco motherfucking Diaz in the flesh. If you have never had a chance to see Joey Diaz live, you're going to shit yourself. That guy, dude, he hits moments. He hits moments on stage where just ridiculous shit that he says that just makes you repeat what he said over and over and over again. He's one of those dudes. When Joey really rocks it on stage, he'll say something so fucking completely preposterous and so out of control that you'll just be repeating it. You'd be like, he's fucking what? You'll just repeat what he said over.

And over because you had to re register in your head almost. Did I really just hear that?

He's fucking that transvestite joke. One of the greatest jokes anybody's ever told on stage. He goes, I like transvestites. They cook, they clean. You can beat on them. Every once in a while. The cops come. Who are they going to believe, me or some dude with a wig and a black eye? There's no support groups for these people. The cops come, who are they going to believe, me? A sadhuda wig and a black eye? But that's just poetry, man. To me, that's poetry. The amount of words used, the structure of it, he's a fucking animal, dude. Joey Diaz is an animal. He's so funny, man. We had him on the podcast the other day. Dude, just talk it. He could talk about anything. Toothpicks. I know a fucking dude who made toothpicks. Let me tell you about this guy. And he has a fucking crazy story about a toothpick factory. And this chick was sucking everybody's dick. You know what I'm saying? So Papa had to get his fucking toothpick factory story will become some fucking epic.

He's fucking cruel. He's one of the greatest human being that's ever lived.

He's the greatest human being that's ever lived. I fucking love that guy. That's one of the most awesome things about living here is that all you guys are here. That's one of the things that kind of keeps me in this area right now, because all you guys are here. We have a lot of cool friends. We have a very unusual situation.

We need to all move at the same exact. We need to get together like an Occupy Wall street thing and be like, all right. We're all moving here at the same time.

We got to be prepared for civil unrest because the government is okay.

Yeah.

So we got to start thinking if the shit went down, we need a goddamn ranch. Know a ranch somewhere with, like, a bunch of houses, a castle, and a. Joe all live in this nice little farming ranch community until the dust settles. Yeah, you can do that, man. It's, like, sustainable.

It's good to have a place like that to go to, man. I've got a place like that to go to, but.

Do you?

Yeah, I do.

Is it in North Carolina?

What? It's in Asheville, North Carolina. It's in Georgia. I will not reveal the precise location.

Is it near the Georgia Guidestones?

Oh, I wish it was. No, it's not. It's not near the Georgia guidestones. I don't know where those are, actually, but I'm.

I don't know where those are either. Let's find out.

How are you going to do that?

But. Go ahead, Duncan, but you got it. I think it's a smart thing to have. I mean, in any fucking house, if you're in a hotel or wherever, it's good to know where to go if there's going to be a fire. It's the same thing with mean. It doesn't make you crazy. It just makes you a normal thinking person.

Albert County.

Albert county is where them guys.

Albert county. The Georgia Guidestones. A large granite monument in Albert County, Georgia? Yeah. A message that contains ten guides is inscribed on the structure in eight modern languages. And a shorter message is inscribed at the top of the structure in four ancient language scripts. Babylonian, classical greek, Sanskrit and egyptian hieroglyphs. It's pretty intense shit, man. I mean, this is someone saying, look, if humanity completely falls apart, here's a message. Get to this stuff. This is crucial information.

Somebody should have told them that. There's not a lot of people in southern Georgia that speak classical Greek.

This is what it says on. It's really very interesting because it's very wise words. Listen to this. Maintain humanity under 500 million in perpetual balance with nature. 500 million on the whole planet. Good idea. Guide reproduction wisely. Improving fitness and diversity.

Eugenics.

That sounds a little eugenicsy, but rational as well, right? Utopian. Of course.

Utopian, but rational, right?

Okay. Unite humanity with a living new language. We all had one language. That would make everything a lot fucking easier, right? Rule, passion, faith, tradition and all things with tempered reason. Sound words, right? Sound words. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts. Okay. Let all nations rule internally, resolving external disputes in a world court. I don't hear any new world order shit yet. Right? Avoid petty laws and useless officials. A bit subjective.

Well, I mean, a lot of this stuff is subjective.

This is pretty subjective though, right? Petty Laws and useless officials also just.

Saying, resolve your problems in a world court. How do you do that?

That seems like a weird one. The petty laws and useless officials. Seems silly. That seems like it should be, maybe. Well, prize, here's a good one. Balance personal rights with social duties. Agreed? That's smart, right? Strong community. Shit.

Yeah.

Prize, truth, beauty, love. Seeking harmony with the infinite. Okay, now you're getting a little crystally on.

It sounds almost like Dr. Braunner's soap. It's like that shit on Dr. Braunner's soap.

Okay, here we hear now. I don't like it at all. Listen, be not a cancer on the earth. Leave room for nature. Leave room for nature. Now I don't like it because that's a stupid thing to say. First of all, be not a cancer on the earth. What do you use? Shakespeare, bitch.

Just say, don't be cancer.

Yeah, don't be cancer.

Be not a cancer. Silly.

I guess if you're not going to use contractions, maybe you think contractions would throw people off.

I think. Here's the thing that I think is really funny about these stones and about like, I just watched cave of forgotten dreams, which is pretty awesome. Which is like, they went, I didn't.

Get into it, man. I shut it off halfway in.

I got bored. I got into it because I was just thinking about how crazy it was that rhinos were in France at one point and kind of like, who the fuck were these people? It was a little dry, but if you carve something in stone and you put it deep enough in the stone and on a big enough stone, it's guaranteed that if people are still around in, like hundreds of thousands of years, they're going to think that that really meant something. They're going to think it was very important just because you carved it in stone.

Right.

So it could be anything. You could put anything on a cave wall, and people will come in and look at it and be like, wow, look at this. They worshiped a penis with a happy face on it. And it's just a guy who painted something on Georgia guidestones. It's just some guy went and carved some shit in stone.

A lot of it makes sense. I mean, just be not a cancer on the earth. Leave room for nature, leave room for mean. We're goofing on it. But that is like a good thought.

I think they're great. All of it seems like. Okay. It's just, I don't think that there's anything, it's like Twitter messages.

You can't get too profound.

Well, you're carving in stone.

Yeah. You're carving in a fucking limited amount of space.

Yeah.

What would you tell people if you had Georgia guidestones of your own? If you could leave behind some monument to future monkey people that figure this out again?

Yeah.

You know what somebody quoted, it was a fascinating quote. That civilization, if you look at it as made by the brightest minds, is disappointing. It's disappointing where we are. But if you look at it as something that's been thrown together by monkeys, it's amazing.

It's amazing. We're doing so good right now. If you think about how good we're doing, we're doing great.

But isn't that an interesting thing that people know that human beings are capable of so much better behavior, so much more of a safe, sane, rational, loving world? We're capable of that. We're all capable of that as individuals. We're all capable of being loving and nice and friendly. And if we're all capable of it, then in groups we spread out. And then somehow or another,