#157 - Tom Segura, Christina Pazsitzky
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Oh, sweet baby Jesus. The dynamic doer are here. Ladies and gentlemen. The funniest couple I know. The only couple of comedians worth a fuck.
Wow.
There's a couple other ones. I guess Duncan and Natasha are still having. They haven't pulled the trigger. Made that shit legal. Tom Segura and Christina Segura. Who doesn't use the last name Segura on stage? No. Why do you not? Why do you not? Together you are more strong.
Do you want the real talk?
Yes.
Legally my name is Segura stage and because documents kid. But because my parents are hungarian immigrants. They escaped from Hungary in 1969, went to Canada. I was born there. I moved to LA in 1980.
Right.
So that stupid polok pajitsky name. It's like, my parents fought so hard to get me here and every time I see a club, put it on the marquee, it makes me proud. And it's a little stick it to I'm a fucking dumb polok and you guys can suck it. That's who I am.
That's very admirable. Don't you think they would like it more though, if their name didn't hold you back and keep you from. Absolutely nobody can remember your fucking name. Say it again.
Pajitsky.
Pajitsky. Good luck spelling that.
Good luck.
Jeopardy for all the marvels.
The other thing is, at what point if you've started, would you consider, obviously, 20 years in or ten or five, but after you've done a couple of things and you have your name and change your name, people are like, who fuck are you?
Yeah, you could fuck yourself up because we didn't from scratch.
You were seven years in when whatever.
You do, don't hyphenate that shit. That's a goddamn cop out.
I agree with you.
I knew a dude who hyphenated and he took the wife's name last.
What?
Somebody lost vagina? Somebody failed, babe.
We're not doing.
Yeah. He was also a self proclaimed feminist. He was a male feminist.
Really? I believe that can exist, but I don't know.
I don't like the concept of feminist any more than I like the concept of masculinist. I like the concept of someone who's masculine centric. That's ridiculous. Who the fuck is more masculine centric than me? I mean, everything I do is meathead shit. Fucking cage fighting and choking people and smoking weed, fucking getting on stage, talking about potents. Come on, man. But I don't want to just be. I'm not only concerned with men, I'm concerned with the whole fucking human race. As soon as you start going, mean, you like to dance? I dance my ass off. I did take dancing classes for that movie. Yeah, I did a dance scene in Zookeeper.
That's awesome.
With the lovely Leslie Bibb. The gorgeous blonde woman from Talladega Knights.
Yeah, she played my ex girlfriend.
It was so cool. I rarely, rarely get to act and that my scenes are with her and Rosario Dawson and Kevin James. I was so cool.
Yeah, she was really funny. She's Talladega. She was great in all those scenes.
I wish I could tell you some shit that this chick would say. We're hanging around, like, in between scenes. We're in the van on the way. She's fucking hilarious. But out of respect for her, and I would not repeat anything she said, they were quite shocking.
Oh, that must be really funny.
She's hilarious. She's like a comic. She's like a female comic.
That's great.
She's hilarious and cool as fuck.
You're very balanced. You like these alpha male things, but I find you to be very balanced.
And you appreciate, well, the alpha male stuff. You know what? I wouldn't say alpha male stuff. Just masculine type things. What I like, why am I supposed to pretend that I don't like something? Absolutely. I like loud mustangs. I like when you rev the engine. It's stupid. It goes, I have a mustang, and I love. It's my favorite car, and it's the dumbest car I have. But you know what's good about it? It's loud as fuck and it's stupid. And I like listening to Leonard skinnerd music in that really fucking loud. And you know, yeah, you go, look at you. Fucking loser. I don't care. That is what I like. I like watching mma. I like playing pool till fucking 06:00 in the morning. These are the things I actually enjoy. I mean, I'm not going to pretend that I don't because I did. For a long time in my life, when I was growing up, I always felt like there was something wrong with me. First of all, I grew up in Boston, which is a very pussy whipped town. It's a very manly town, but there's not a lot of women there. And especially amongst, quote unquote, intellectuals. If you hanging around college people, the amount of colleges per capita is really high. It's like one of the highest numbers in the country. Boston, 61. I think colleges, ridiculous. And so most people are really educated. Most people are intelligent. And when you get a lot of educated, intelligent people, and they're trying to impress people. They tend to go towards the super liberal. They tend to go towards there's something wrong with you. You're a barbarian. You need to evolve. You would tell someone that you do martial arts and they would look at you like you're insecure, like there's something wrong with you for pursuing that, that this is something you need to get past. Like, I've had those conversations with people where they judge you for the things that you enjoy doing. And what they're basically trying to do is, look, no one wants to fucking run hills. No one wants to beat a tire with a sledgehammer. No one wants to do rounds on the bag. No one wants to take class and fucking strangle people for hours and hours. But the only way to get good at all that stuff is to do that. So if you can persuade other people to not get good at all the things that make you uncomfortable, then you don't have to feel as uncomfortable. So if everybody was scrawny and sick and smoked cigarettes and drank whiskey all day, you wouldn't have to worry about getting your ass kicked.
Sure.
And ultimately, that's one of the reasons how, one of the things, the motivations for people when they do get upset at people for liking other things. If you actually love, what do you like? Hot rods. What are you doing, stupid? You like hot rods and big dogs? What do you like? Big dogs.
Yeah, but the people that say that are Always, if they're that critical about what you enjoy, it's because they're less happy.
It takes you a while to realize that. I thought they were right and they would be angry and critical with me about things, and I would think that they were right, and I would say, wow, maybe I am. And then eventually, it took me a while to go, why do they care? It took me a while to go. Why are they giving me a hard time for things that I enjoy? If I like listening to kiss, I like kiss. I'll be in my car come on and love me I'll sing along. Yeah, I'll fucking sing along.
I think most people don't get to that point. I think it is something you start to figure out as you get older. Yeah, but then I was having this thought, literally earlier today. Don't you ever look back and think about people that were in high school with you that you feel like had that clarity, but you don't realize it till you're older. You're like that person's disposition and they're incredible. At like 15, I think it's their parents.
You grow up in an environment where your parents, your parents don't buy the bullshit. It's way easier to not buy the bullshit. My parents were very unusual. My stepfather's a hippie, and he was a computer program and then an architect. He's a very bright guy.
Yeah.
Who was always a pot smoker, too, when I was young.
And he openly tell you, like, ham or would you smoke with him?
I smoked with him when I was eight. What? Just once to see what it was like, because I asked him, I'm like, what are you doing? We guys are smoking pot. What is that? And he goes, you want to try it? And I go, can I? He goes, yeah. He goes, just a little, but you can try it. And he gave me. I don't remember the effects. I don't remember what happened. Probably fucked my brain up for life. Yeah, but I was taught really early on, don't believe the hype, that there's a lot out there that's bullshit. A lot of laws that I got confused about something being illegal. I'm like, but it's illegal. This is illegal. And my stepfather was always like, let me tell you something. Laws that are not there to protect people, they don't need to be there. Those laws are nonsense laws. And it was a really interesting way he put it. The laws that don't protect anybody are just bullshit laws. And I was like, wow, who the fuck ever thought? And then it really is when you really start to think about personal choice laws. Like, I remember in New York, you couldn't get tattooed. Like, tattoos were illegal for a while back in the. Had to go to Connecticut to get a tattoo. And I was like, how fucking stupid is this? When I grew up in Boston, kickboxing was illegal. We used to have to go to Rhode island to fight. We could fight in taekwondo tournaments in Massachusetts, but we had to go to Rhode island to fight. Like, why? The more laws there are, the more problems there are. Let people figure out what the fuck they like and let them pursue much. We have way too many laws, and we have way too many people that have a career in not just protecting these laws, but enforcing these laws and building more laws. It's like there's a whole business. People always say, kill the lawyers first. It really is a ridiculous when they can catch little imperfections in the text and the language of things are written and they can exploit these things. And it's like, why is everything so fucking complex?
It is a business or the lawsuit. Yeah, to sue somebody over, you know, in Hungary there's an amusement park that the roller coaster is made out of wood and it doesn't even stop to let you on. Yeah, dude, it's from like, the russian communist. And it's the most fun and scariest shit because you could fucking die.
Fuck that.
And how slow does it go to get on?
Maybe like five. Down to five. And you literally, like, the people in it jump off. You run in and then the fucking bar doesn't even come down on your lap. It's like this. And you better hold the fuck on because you're going to die. But you think anybody sues the amusement park if they fall off? No, it's your fault, dummy. You rode the.
Well, I think you should be able to sue for certain things. I certainly think they should fix the fucking roller coaster. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that there's a lot of laws that are in place that just don't need to be right.
Yeah. Sometimes things are just common sense and.
Public opinion, and it's common sense to not buy crack. If you want crack, you can get crack. Yeah, crack is illegal. There's no crack people that are out in the street protesting why crack isn't legal. There's no crack advocates, there's no crack legislators. It.
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