#1526 - Ali Macofsky

I wasn't sure what to expect.

What was your worst case scenario?

Oh, my God. Worst case scenario? I pooped my pants right off the bat.

Have you done that before? Like when you get nervous?

Not when I get nervous, but I used to. Well, only once in college.

Up your pants?

Yeah.

Were you drinking?

Yeah, I was hungover. I ate chipotle. I ate Chipotle pretty much every day in college.

That's not good for you.

It was not good at all.

Trying to learn. Yeah, actually, Chipotle, like, those bowls, they are pretty good.

They're so good.

Like, if you get one of those steak bowls with rice, that's about as clean as you can eat.

Yeah.

Really?

And in college, it was nice because you could eat like, half of a bowl and be, like, super full and then eat the other half later. And you can do the tricks of getting half steak, half chicken or something. That way they give you more.

Oh, is that a trick? I don't think it is a trick. I think they have, like, a scooper.

They have a scooper, but if you say you want half this and half that, they're not going to put half in the scooper. They're putting a full scooper in there, and then you're getting a full pooper on the couch. In college. Yeah.

Sorry to hear about the poop in the pan.

It's all right.

People are very embarrassed about that. But it does happen if you take chances.

I feel like it happens to. Everyone has a poop story, I hope.

If you don't, I feel like you're just not taking enough chances with your diet.

No. And I think everyone's poop story starts out with them being like, oh, I thought I was going to fart. And then it was not a fart.

Yeah, that's in the car. That's when it happens.

I was honestly, on the drive up here, I had a little bit of gas, and I was like, just wait until you're there. Hold it. Because you don't want to take any risks right now.

Yeah.

So it actually worked out. I let it out.

There was a podcast once where I legitimately thought, do you remember who it was? I legitimately thought I was going to shit my pants. I was, like, pinching my abs down. I was, like, crunching myself. I was like, listen, if I don't get out of here right now, I don't know if I'm going to make it. Do you remember who it was? But I might even set it on the air.

Yeah, I remember it happening, but I don't remember who was in the room.

I barely got out.

It's kind of a nice feeling, though. I like that adrenaline rush of, like, I need to hold. It really tests my skills.

Like cramming for a test. Like, oh, my God, there's not much time left.

Yeah, I dropped out of college, so I feel like me trying to hold in a poop is the most cramming for a test. I feel like I do.

That is a psychological thing, the cramming thing. They say that some people procrastinate until they know they have to. Like, okay, I'm going to stay up all night.

I'm a procrastinator.

Yeah.

Always.

Most comics are.

You think so?

Yeah, I think there's something. Look, we're all broken. We're all broken toys. And most comics, there's something about the laziness and the nonconformity and the unwillingness to do treachery. Is that a word? I think so, yeah. The unwillingness to do boring, mundane life choices, jobs, that's what leads people to comedy. Maybe I could just talk shit.

Yeah.

I literally thought, I always knew I wanted to entertain people somehow. I didn't know exactly how until my senior year of high school, but before that, I was like, maybe I'll be a singer or a comedian.

Well, you have a great voice.

I have a decent voice.

You have a very good voice.

Thank you.

And you use it in your act?

Sometimes I try.

You do? You started doing stand up. How old were you?

I think I did my first open mic when I was, like, 17, but I didn't start then.

You are about. There's only one other person I know. Olivia. Grace.

Yes.

I love Olivia.

I met her at, I think it was brea. She came up to me, and she was, like, 16.

Yeah.

And I was like, what?

And she had been doing it since she was, like, 14 or 15.

That's crazy.

Crazy.

She's very funny, too.

She's so funny.

Super cool.

Yeah.

So when I started, I was living in Long beach at my parents house, and so I would go back and forth between Orange county and LA, and Olivia was in Orange county, and she was, like, the first person my age, kind of, that I met. And so we became friends, and I was like, you're so funny. It's so cool that she had already had so much time under her belt when I was, like, 18.

Yeah. It's crazy. I didn't know you could start until you were 21.

No, I didn't either. I had no idea. And I also didn't know that open mics happened at, like, coffee shops and bars and literally anywhere at all. Laundromats.

When I started, I waited until my 21st birthday, but then I met my friend Robbie and he was 19. I was like, how did you get in? And they're like, they'll let you in, but you can't drink.

Yeah.

Is that still the case?

Like, at the store, if they had a show, an open mic night let you in.

Well, when I started doing open mics for real, I was maybe 18, on the verge of 19 or something. And I would go to the comedy store, but I had already been doing open mics around town, so all the guys who worked at the comedy store as door guys knew me. They didn't know how old I was, so no one ever checked my id. And I never talked about being young or anything. So I would just perform, hang out. And then when they found out I was under 21, I got kicked out for a year and I couldn't perform there again. So I had already been doing kill Tony. And then they found out.

Oh, my God.

And so then I would, like, do shows, do open mics, and then I would just come to the comedy store and hang out on the sidewalk and just be like, hey, guys, what's up?

That's hilarious.

And on my 21st birthday at midnight, I walked in.

Really?

Yeah.

That's hilarious.

And I remember red band was there and George Perez. And on my 21st birthday, they each gave me $21. And then on my 22nd birthday, I was at the comedy store and they gave me $22 and I was like, you guys better live for a long time.

That's a crazy place to be when you're 21 years old, to be around the people you just named George Perez and Brian Redband, and you're 21. Like, hello. Like a little fawn.

I still feel like that.

Well, that place is. Especially when you're dealing with so many. Like, you're going there, you're 21 years old and you're just seeing Jessel, Nick, and all these big time headliners and Joey Diaz and Chris rock shows up and Dave Chappelle's there and you're fucking 21. You're walking around going, this is crazy.

Yeah, it felt so surreal just, like, being there and hanging out and feeling kind of like I was a part of it in a small way. But, yeah, I'm super grateful for kill Tony because I feel like that's what helped me become more ingrained in the scene at the store.

Well, that's how I found out about you. Yeah, I found out about you through kill Tony. And Tony kept raving about how good you were. And then I saw you do some sets and your progression. It's kind of a hilarious story, like, you opening for me. I know, because you did a couple shows at the improv, couple shows at the comedy store. And then I'm like, hey, you want to do well?

No, what happened was you had been the guest on Kiltoni, and I was a regular. So you had seen 1 minute of my material maybe two times.

No, I'd seen you other times. I'd been in the room while you're doing stand up a couple other times.

But then you invited me. I remember Tony hit me up one day, and he was like, hey, is it cool if I give Joe your phone number? And I was like, Joe? And he was like, rogan? I was like, what? I was like, yeah, of course. And so then you text me. You were like, hey, do you want to do some shows at the improv with me this week? And I was like, yeah. You're like, are you available? I'm like, I think I can be available for that.

Well, I knew you're funny. I mean, that's how I do it when I think someone's funny. I'm like, all right, let's see. Let's see what they do in front of a packed know with Joey Diaz and Duncan Trussell and Ari Shafir. And just like, let's see what's up.

And then I had been doing that for a couple months. I'd say just like doing the hosting spot or like, little opening spots at the improv in the comedy store. And then you were, oh, I was like, oh, I saw that you're going to be in Vegas this, like, I think I'm going to drive and come watch you, because I'd never seen you in a bigger venue than a comedy club. And you were like, okay, do you want to open? And I was like, well, I wasn't hoping you'd say that, but I was kind of hoping you'd say that.

So you did. Vegas.

That was the coolest experience of my entire life. Still to this day, one of the highlights of my life.

It was really fun. It was really fun. But you were so composed, and so on top of it, you crushed. And then I said, okay, do you want to do an arena? How many times did you have been paid to do stand up. Other than the times opening for me and like a couple little gigs on the road.

Yeah.

I mean, I never really got paid to do comedy besides drinks or like a couple of bucks for gas.

So you do the Mirage, which is like, I think the mirage is 1300 people or 1200 people. It's a good sized place. Yeah, good sized place. Then we do a fucking gigantic basketball arena.

You know what I think helped me with the mirage was in my head. I was like, 1200 is giant. I was like, this is going to be huge. Crazy. And I overhyped it so much that by the time I saw the venue, it was so beautiful. And it felt intimate for some reason.

Well, it's the most intimate place in Vegas in terms of those big theaters that you can play. Yeah, it's my favorite place in Vegas. I love it.

Yeah.

So as soon as I got there, I was like, I got this.

I was doing bigger places there. And I came back to the mirage just because it's a better setup.

Yeah.

And I feel like the people who run that place were really helpful.

They're awesome. They're the best, they're the nicest folks, and they all love comedy. There you are. That's you, kid.

Oh, Jamie was taking pictures. I was like, can you get more? My mom really wants to see me.

Yeah.